So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
