So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
