my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
