Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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