Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
i need to put some appletini on your dick
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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