what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
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