turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
