Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
