A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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