Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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