yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
