the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
