I got her a Nickelback box set.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
