Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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