That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
