i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize