I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
