so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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