i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
