Don't make out with my wife yet
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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