Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize