Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
