i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
