Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Randomize
