u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
