ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
