Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
