So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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