I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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