Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
