well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
