Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
