Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize