i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
