yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
