and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
