all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
