If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
