I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
