Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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