I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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