im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
this boner is exhausting
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
