she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
