I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
