On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
