yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
