If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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