What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
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