Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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