Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
