Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
