Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
