I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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