Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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