from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I could fuck to npr.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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