Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
