I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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