Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize