I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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